hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
