I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
