worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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