i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
