There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
