ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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