just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
