if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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