$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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