between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I am one with the molecules
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm always down for nudity.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
