Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize