Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize