I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
