end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
