I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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