I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
