i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
