U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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