i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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