He had one of those small greek statue penises
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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