listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
