Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
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