you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
