he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
