There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Sober January is a disaster.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
