I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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