I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
