If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
