Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I still have a little drunk in my system
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
