nut hugger
Someone shit on the floor
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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