your room smells of hookers.
And success
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
