So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize