all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize