You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
