never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
