Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just sent this text using only my big toe
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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