Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
