separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
