Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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