just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
