My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
