how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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