can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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