I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
