Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
