Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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