He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
two words...techno handjob
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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