why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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