She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
