Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
