hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
