Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
