I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
