You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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