you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
