I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
