i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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