Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
