she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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