Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
