ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
