I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
