I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
