Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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