Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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