But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
