I want to stick my p in your. b.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
