can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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