I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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