oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You can't just leave with hair like that
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
