he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
my poor anus
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
