Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
